Terminal Beef

everyone get out. when you come back it'll be a disgustingly blank slate. scratch out another two years of subsistence and we'll do it all again!

Literalcy

On a scale of 1 to 5, what's 3 + 3?

Bested

The day is young, but that doesnt mean you can touch it you sick fuck. Anything earlier than the afternoon is jailbait.

work/play

i asked Him what it all means. He said "it's for the queen." i said "we killed the queen."

L.I.F.E.

Feels like dust on my back.

box of hearts

it would be smarter to put it in the larder.

I didn't check his pockets

I know you can't stand it. I know you know I planned it.

Space Kampf

Its not gonna be great. Its not. Its not. Here watch.

You're Bread to Me

And you can shove those 3 tickets right up your ass.

Cock's Net

A funny story to lighten the mood: use lubricant when fornicating with dead people. Unless they drowned, in which case they may still be moist.

A door is a gun

i left and when i came back everything was the same and terrible just like i wanted and then things got good and i got mad and now everything's fine and broken just like i hate it.

Hungry Lung

Unsupported allegations.

A Video I could have done myself

Just call back tomorrow. I'm gonna put this off until tomorrow, that's right.

Watch it

What a sickening day. I learned nothing from this. I didn't even learn how to scream louder.

Strum 'n Drang nabbit

One good deed a day. I don't have room for one good deed a day.

Insta-Whirl

"you're going to listen to me this time. it's going to be different this time. you wont get away. not this time."

"what?"

How is he? He's a prick.

we are devo. d-e-v-o. it's spelled "dee eee vee ooo." we sing songs about girls and drinking. we don't sing at all. we are devo.

Hunkus

Wham! Right into a pole. Who is the motherfucker now? The answer is you.

I wish it was personal this time, but you won't let me get close

instead of waving, they just sorta squatted at each other.

Derivative

Bourbon for everyone! (poison for everyone in the bourbon)

yOUR cAPS lOCK kEY iS oN, wERE yOU aWARE?

why are you always so married all the time?

Horse Battles

I need water in Spanish.

Hole Foods

It might be funny if we took a class or a picture together. We could get by real good like that. Where are you going. Come back.

Blue's Cooze

Then they were in business and business was good.

Crimson

You squeal so loudly. I tell everyone that. Very loudly.

My sons, my sins

i used a butcher knife. her eyes didn't close, her smile didn't fade.

My sin was bashfulness

I tried to ride a greyhound but they don't make saddles in my size.