Childish

If women were currency I would be only a little more sexist.

They're sideways over there, right

aaaaaaand i just don't care one root-scoot-tootin' hoot. no, about that other thing.

...among us

Everyone got so old. And here I was still believing in people.

Tough titty

You are a bad man and I am a bad, bad man.

Powder Outage Causes Shiny-Nosed Outrage

if you're in utero, you are very stupid and can't talk.

Popular at last

In movies, when the characters are floating down a river and everything is peaceful, one of them usually says "whats that" and then they hit a waterfall. In real life, there is no such thing as peaceful.

Tom Waits for no man

He did a good job. Let's all celebrate that, okay? He did a good job, and nobody cares that he failed at it. Nobody should mention that failure.

smash slag

From the $3.50 porn bin.

Rooster Blocked

Here's an idea! Eat shit, die, and come over for dinner when you're done with the shit-eating and dying. It'll be more fun than that time when I beat the living shit out of you. And that was fucking FUN.

Incorrection

Emote! Feel! Show! Everything! Everyone wants to hear!

Knight Co.

Ian, freeze. Ah, fuck it.

Pearl Bracelet

There is no way to do that. There is absolutely no way at all. Just go away. Go away.

you're a fixture in my least favorite scene

when i tasted you i spit you out. you were delicious.

SACK

I just won't do lunges.

All is drear

We all die. And no, there is no afterlife. And the election is rigged.

Ten thousand parents will bury their children today. Tomorrow they'll do the same.

Happy birthday to you.

Contraption

Turn that frown upside down. God how painful that will be. How I'll smile.

Caught

I crush oranges.

dreamboat

I thanked god that there were more lesbians than me, thanked god a'mighty. Then i returned to my hedonistic and utterly secular lesbian fuckfest.

Don't be dead

when i said i'd like to hang out with him i wasn't talking about mutual suicide. apparently he was, and that's why i'm writing this from the afterlife.

it's not so bad. the dread is gone.

Kenneth's frequency = 586 MHz

Tropical ointment!

attempt no landings

The old people left, at least.

We eyed the allies but the ayes were lies

you're spattered like batter on a brillo pad. accents or mockeries, there's no difference. the romance, it started in your pants and ended in divorce.

nerver

I was absolutely perplexed when you burst out of my head fully formed but when I was able to think clearly again I was less perplexed and more IN TREMENDOUS PAIN BECAUSE OW MY HEAD

Last Bastard

you having sex with me? i'm used to it.

fstr pls

So there is a fire.